I was on Facebook the other day and saw a post from another dog guide user stating that her life doesn’t center on the whims of her dog guide. I wasn’t sure she was being facetious or not. I was admittedly, a little concerned about the statement. Do folks really think there is nothing else? Do I somehow turn off people just by posting about my dogs on social media? Do my friends and co-workers secretly roll their eyes, hoping I’ll shut up?

I don’t know; but if some folks do occasionally swivel their orbs to the heavens in a tired, world weary gesture, here are some non-dog guide highlights.

I married my husband, raised my children, and obtained my graduate degree without the assistance of a guide dog. I run my home with my human family, who assist me in caring for our canine family.

I work full-time for the VA and volunteer for a number of philanthropic and advocacy organizations without the use of my guide dog, however, my dog does take me to meetings as well as inspire me to volunteer for a few of these organizations.

I write more than a few stories and poems with subjects other than my dog guide.

Just like being blind is only part of the whole, being a handler is also a part of who I am and how I cope with my disability. Is owning a guide dog a burden? Honestly, there times it is annoying, like when it’s minus 3 out and the doggie needs to go out. Other than that, I’d say the unconditional love from our canines vastly outweighs any blustery day. But this is just my opinion. Do I, at times, over identify with being a guide dog user? Yes. It’s akin to being a proud parent, at least for me. It’s also much more positive then over identifying in a negative sense or being in denial about my blindness.

Okay, I think y’all get the idea and folks who know me personally know, by this point I am being a little snarky. I’ll end this with a quote by Andy Rooney (I think) “most dogs are better people than most of the people I know.”

He is sweet, yellow

A big fluffy fellow

Toasted darker

On ears and tail tip

Gives a nibble and a lick

Golden eyes

Better than cash

He comes with a snow nose

And personality to last

It’s Bailey

Hello again, readers, this blog entry will spread over a few days which I will call reunion week. It will begin with preparing for Bailey’s return as well as his introduction to the Chiappetta pets and humans, then it will wrap up with graduation. So, get out the tissues and be ready for a long post.

Monday, March 23: This morning was good. I felt much better and feel like whatever has had its hold upon my chest is slowly leaving. The doctor gave me a checkup and sent me home with a note stating I was ready for work and training once again. I left the office so much happier than I’ve been in days. I was depressed, moping around like I lost my favorite toy. It was like getting my sea legs back, and now I’m feeling even better.

I got home and contacted Guiding Eyes. An hour later, the instructor called me and we agreed that Mr. B will come to work on Wednesday around noon time. We’ll get started a bit around there and then go home and introduce him to Verona, Nikka, Titan and April. Jerry will be working and not get to say hello until later that night. The rest of the week will get planned out with the instructor depending on what I need to catch up on, etc.

Saturday will mean a lot of excitement and, yes, tears. They will be for me, the warm and appreciative kind; I can’t wait to finally get to be with Bailey again. I can’t wait to meet his puppy raiser, for whom he was named. So, I’ve been puttering around, getting food bins arranged, grooming tools and supplies organized and thinking about how good it will feel to hold that harness handle.

He’s back. Our reunion was wonderful; he nibbled my chin and licked my face. We settled the office and went out for a walk. It was great, we took off where we left off. Got a cramp halfway through it but Bailey slowed down and accommodated me. This, to me, is amazing. Verona, as good as she was, only had one speed. This boy, well, he has two speeds and I really like this about him. He is also patient when I need a breather.

We got home and the animal reunion was intense but good. However Titan decided he didn’t want to be introduced and Bailey barked and that was that. Nikka and Verona were good and now, a few hours later, as I write this, mostly they are all settled. Titan and Bailey will work it out just like Nikka and Titan did.

So, will write another post after graduation. Thanks for reading.

First Solo Trip

Morning Obedience was good; my new partner responded well with only a few blips, which were amusing and not at all frustrating. It helps that the instructor has a great sense of humor and that the dog is a big goofball.

So, after this routine, we pack up, put on the harness and drive to downtown White Plains for training walks. It didn’t help that I woke up with a migraine and it took half the morning and some powerful medication to keep it at a level where I could work my dog. I did it, though, and the morning walk went as planned with the training lead and the afternoon walk went even better without the training lead. I like this dog’s pace, pull, and size. It felt wonderful to be out and walking again in a way that makes me feel like I’m flying, like I can see again. Altruistic, perhaps but this is how I feel when my dog is doing its job and we are in sync. We did have a few challenges other than the usual distractions but I think they will resolve themselves once we figure one another out. I can say he is more strong-willed than Verona. He is a different dog, after all.

As the bonding process progresses and I give over the trust and affection to him, he, too, is learning to accept me. How long this will take and the exact point in which I will know can’t be predicted but I will do my best to do everything in my power to encourage it.

Tonight we got to know one another a little better by some grooming time. He seemed to like it and became very happy when I brushed him and when we were done; he seemed to say, okay, you passed this test, too.

Tomorrow, more walks and more positive reinforcement like treats and praise, and also corrections. Each day the ratio of corrections and praise will shift and corrections will lessen until they are only necessary when there is an extreme circumstance occurring. An example would be, let’s say, a dog distraction or a temptation of food on the floor, etc. Practicing daily obedience will help reinforce positive outcomes, too.

The rest of the week will build the trust and routine and help us and the other students in class create a successful human/dog relationship. Not sure if it is an exact science but it doesn’t matter as long as I am getting the opportunity to work toward getting to know my dog better.

Happy New Year to all who read this blog. Thanks for reading and letting me know how much these words are appreciated. Whenever I receive a message from one of my blog readers, I’m thrilled, so keep them coming.

No resolutions for this lady, just a continuation of doing the best I can now and in the future. 2015 has a lot of good things in store for me, including vacations and planning for   community events and making presentations.  Perhaps the most challenging and exciting of these is going back to Guiding Eyes for the Blind to train with a new dog. Yes, folks, it’s really happening – Verona is now 8 and is retiring. We have a party scheduled for her on February 13^th at my job and she is only working part-time now anyway.  I’ve even been adjusting to my other mobility tool, Stick Stickley, aka, the white cane. For a temporary way of getting around, its fine, but I wouldn’t want it replacing working with a dog guide.

I do feel a little guilty about retiring Verona but I also know that guilt is unfounded and unrealistic and maybe even comes from doubting myself and the decision itself. One thing I’ve learned from this is that our animals rely on us to make these decisions for them. It’s part of the partnership and commitment of sharing our lives and trust. Whether it’s making the decision to let them go due to age or illness, or fostering or re-homing them, or retiring a working dog and relying on a younger, more active dog, we are charged with making the tough decisions and ultimately living with those decisions.

Much soul searching has been going on since late last year when I noticed Verona’s pace slowing, her hesitation going  up and down steps, and her lack of stamina during the summer months.  With some assistance from Guiding Eyes we did what we could to see if there was any possible way to increase her pace but in the end, we decided it was time to retire her and I submitted the re-training paperwork in September 2014.  Class begins on March 8 and I will be staying on campus until the 21^{st. I am in the accelerated training program and will have 2/1 instruction. O}nce home, I will receive one on one instruction for 5 days of home instruction. I don’t think I’ll need five days  of home follow-up but I’m glad it’s there for me if I need it.

Will I get a male or female, black or yellow? Don’t know yet but I’m thinking a lot about it and wonder if my witchy intuition will allow me a peek at the possibilities, maybe in a dream or premonition? Hmmm, never know. All I know right now is that I am looking forward to it and know I’ve done right by my loving, loyal, sweet girl, Verona.

Life after 50 has revealed milestones I never thought would ever come to pass. Imagining some of the less mundane things coming to pass include looking forward to celebrating our 25th  wedding anniversary next year and celebrating four years  as a trauma counselor. Not being a social security disability recipient thanks to the salary I now earn at my job is also something I never thought would happen. My children are grown and my youngest will soon be living on her own.

2015 will also be the year I train with a successor dog. Verona is retiring and is now on a modified work schedule. She’s still choosing to harness up but sometimes it’s a very slow walk to get dressed.  I can’t help thinking of my friends, other handlers, who have abrupt separations from dogs who quit the job due to stress, illness or death and my heart goes out to them. At the same time, I am fortunate to experience a slower, less traumatic retirement process with my first dog guide.  Six years is a good working life.  I wish it were longer, but the gray beginning to take over Verona’s chin and lips is proof she deserves some R&R.   There are days she is distracted and slow, making clearance errors and I think, am I doing the right thing by still working her? Then she turns us away from an oncoming car or speeding bicyclist running the light and I think, maybe I shouldn’t retire her so soon. Then, the very next day, she  walks like a turtle and  stops short at curbs, stumbles down the bus steps, and I am back to thinking retiring her is the right thing to do, but when?

This is the torture I have been putting myself through all these months and I still don’t know when, exactly, to hand in her harness to Guiding Eyes.  Just thinking about it makes my eyes tear up. This is a dog that has stolen my heart, which has included me in her realm of canine reasoning and makes decisions to clear me along with herself when in danger or when avoiding obstacles. This is a dog that becomes a serious worker when the harness goes on and silly happy pants when the harness is removed. This is a dog that has a natural ability to empathize with my clients and also sense when not to interrupt. How am I going to allow another dog the same level of trust?  How will this new dog prove themselves to me? Will this new dog fit into the counseling Milieu like Verona?  The most troubling piece of this entire conundrum is, will I be able to do it and how will I know if it isn’t working?

I know this kind of thinking and feeling is normal, I have spoken to other handlers about transferring these elements of a canine/human bond. One person told me she felt guilty going back for another dog. Another person only went back when the previous dog finally died, saying he was obligated, in his mind, to  return the dog’s loyalty by letting the dog live out its life for the many years of loyalty and work without compromising it with yet another dog. One of my best friends has reminded me that when we walk into a guide dog school and put the harness handle in our hands, we are making the decision to accept the risk of the emotional attachment and consequences of the attachment along with the increased freedom a dog provides. I identify with all of these perspectives, feeling them at different points, depending on what level Verona is working, or not and how vulnerable I am feeling.

I wish it were simple, well, maybe not simple, but clearer. I will do what is best for my dog. If it means dealing with emotions that stir me up, that is something I will deal with as it comes.  I will keep on traversing this evolution of sorts and rely upon one thing: knowing that thousands of other dog guide users and service dog handlers have gone before me and have been successful in transitioning to a new dog. Change is hard and I’m going to use all my 50 years of coping skills and resilient thinking to get through it. This is the challenge for 2015 and I am hoping to be successful but I wonder and have my doubts. I just heard from the admissions department and my class date is tentatively scheduled for April 2015. So, I have five months to work through this.