We Shared the Warmth
It was snowing when we left for Guiding Eyes, big soft flakes that didn’t stick on the roads and blanketed the old, dirty snow banks left over from a previous storm. I was excited. We made our fundraising goal and were sponsoring the January graduation. Thanks to my family and friends Verona and I would be celebrating five years together. It’s been one of the most fulfilling experiences I’ve had since losing my vision. Through Verona I’ve learned more about myself, my abilities and how the unconditional regard, love and loyalty of just one dog can forever change things for the better. Through Verona I’ve found a new connection and second family. I’ve met people who also have experienced what I have and others who assist in creating this through expertise and true caring and kindness. I am speaking of the Guiding Eyes staff and volunteers. It takes a village to raise a puppy and the connections continue once the dog and handler step onto the path together. As handlers we overcome barriers and obstacles every day and when we need it, the Guiding Eyes family is there to help. Thank you for everything and for this gift on four paws.
I’m not really sure where to start. For some strange reason, I was struck with an article about ergonomic typing and how to reduce wrist and arm strain when typing. How this led to thinking about our family’s recent loss and what it means is beyond me right now. My husband and his siblings are faced with doing the right thing while attempting to accept the death of their mother. Last year I lost our father and now, one year to the day of Dad’s death, Carol has also passed. I wonder where the lesson is in all of this; are we even meant to understand it?
If you are reading this and feel confused, then I’ve done my job and portrayed how we are feeling. Lost, angry, numb, and praying for answers to the precipitating factors leading to Carol’s death are only the top of the list.
I may not emote or weep but I am deeply effected by each loss and I feel even more like I’m being jerked around now that I must process and get through not just one, but two deaths that are significant. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and unable to support my husband because I only have enough resolve to help myself. Maybe this is why the carpel tunnel syndrome article attracted my attention — it was not stating anything about loss and was devoid of emotion. It was the article that got me to write about grief and its effect upon us as individuals and families. It stressed that the best way to counteract the long standing effects of wrist and elbow strain that can lead to nerve damage and carpel tunnel damage is to float your writs when typing for long periods. Resting your wrists and forearms will cause poor blood flow and lead to the factors that cause carpal tunnel syndrome and chronic pain.
I wish that the pain of loss was as simple . I wish that we could reverse time and get back all the people we’ve lost. Right now, though, the best I can do is proceed through the weeds of loss and slog through the mud of mourning, try to console my husband and be strong.